txtsfrmlstnght: (313): my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
txtsfrmlstnght: (805): When do i get to see u next week? (1-805): When I teabag your entire family
txtsfrmlstnght: (303): Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
txtsfrmlstnght: (217): i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
txtsfrmlstnght: (913): Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
txtsfrmlstnght: (908): no morals, dignity, or self respect … just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
txtsfrmlstnght: (858): Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
txtsfrmlstnght: (740): the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend…..priceless …..i don’t ever want to become this
txtsfrmlstnght: (757): Do you like marathons because that’s how long I plan on fucking you.
txtsfrmlstnght: (937): I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
dearoldlove: You’ll jones for me the rest of your life.
txtsfrmlstnght: (512): Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
txtsfrmlstnght: (918): You screamed ‘pound me, you big thick stud.’ I looked around for porn cameras. (1-918): Shut up. I did not. (918): I really wish I was making that up.
txtsfrmlstnght: (910): no, he’s only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he’s just a walking transgender.
txtsfrmlstnght: (808): i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
txtsfrmlstnght: (206): Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I would not be able to replace the romantic memory of my fellow transgressor...– The Atlantic
txtsfrmlstnght: (202): if this week’s events in iraq have taught me anything, it’s that when pulling out, always expect a mess… hahaha i just learned this last week!
txtsfrmlstnght: (917): I am once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
txtsfrmlstnght: (815): Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
txtsfrmlstnght: (405): We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
io9 - Dark Matter Lab Dedicated 5,000 Feet... →
a science lab 6 and a half empire state buildings below the earth’s surface, studying dark matter…. in this lifetime!
dearoldlove: I will always destroy whatever good thing I’ve got going on, at the ring of a phone, for you.
It doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.– Anne Sexton (via amplequotes) (via thresca)
In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you...– Siddhārtha Gautama (via thresca)
dearoldlove: You required reinflation, and there I was, hungry for your nozzle.
Q: What is christianity? A: It is the belief that a two-thousand-year-old...– A sudden moment of clarity.
Try Personal Jesus
dearoldlove: Depeche Mode was wrong. When I lose myself in someone else, not only do I not find myself, but I still think of you.